Friday, December 24, 2010


AP- There appears to be more to the "Bad" Santa episode since our exclusive stunning news report yesterday. Authorities have now arrested and brought in for questioning the Grinch. You may recall the popular Christmas show "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." We are now being told that this show was originally put together as a slap in the face to law enforcement.

According to unnamed sources the Grinch and Santa have been friends for many years. While we revealed yesterday the many questions surrounding the funding for Santa Claus, it appears the elves are now coming forward in droves to fill in the blanks.

According to one elf, "Santa and the Grinch are business partners who enjoy sampling their own stock before they sell it. One night many years ago, when they were wasted, they came up with the idea of this Christmas show. The Grinch had always wanted to act but no one would hire him. I mean look at him where would he fit into a part?"

The elf went on to say, "with this in mind the Grinch and Santa decided since they had the best cover going with the whole Santa Claus racket they would snub their nose at authorities to prove they could get away with anything. That is how the idea for How the Grinch Stole Christmas originated. It was a cocky drug induced self promotion effort."

According to witness testimony Santa and the Grinch became greedy and devised a plan to not only put the Grinch on the air but to profit handsomely from the effort. While writing the script for the Grinch story they decided they would not only write the story but would live it.

The plan was a simple one and very easy to follow yet no one apparently did. Santa would deliver the gifts to the children and then leave a list for the Grinch who would follow right behind him and steal the merchandise back. Santa's accountant, Jack Frost, who released a statement yesterday saying everything was "aboveboard," was then used as the front man to sell the stolen items.

The money was then used to finance the intricate global drug trafficking industry Santa was arrested for yesterday.

We are learning as well that the money created from these illegal ventures was tucked away in multiple Swiss bank accounts and those were the frozen assets referred to yesterday. Reports indicate the amount of money frozen is equal to tens of billions of dollars. We are awaiting confirmation on those numbers.

Meanwhile, when the elf was asked why no one has spoken until now, he replied "we were scared. It's Santa who would believe us?" The elf also went on to tell us there are very many hidden meanings in the Grinch Christmas story that they were told referred to them.

For starters the anonymous elf has told us that Cindy Lou "Who" is actually Cindy Lou Grinch. Mrs. Grinch apparently was charged with keeping the elves in line. Like an evil step mother she was the one that enforced the 16 hour work day keeping the elves so busy they didn't have time to do anything else but work.

One of the hidden meanings occurs halfway through the story when the Grinch is supposedly talking to Cindy Lou Who about a light being burnt out on the Christmas tree. He states that a light burnt out on one side and he was taking the tree to his shop to fix the light and bring the tree back.

The elves were told that this was a reference to what would happen to them if they ever told. "We were told that our lights would go out and we would never be seen again. We were told that part of the story was a warning to us that we better heed."

And they did apparently for many years until now.

Another warning was when the Grinch stood atop the mountain peek and stated that "Christmas" came without boxes, packages, or bags.

"This we were led to believe meant that if we ever told anyone we would never see the hit coming."

So far there are many charges forthcoming including, but not limited to, drug trafficking, tax evasion, mail fraud, fencing of stolen goods, and more. Santa, Jack Frost, Mr Grinch, Cindy Lou Grinch, and many others are being held without bail.

While the World is waiting to see how Christmas plays out this year, Santa's brother Fred Claus was seen relaxing before tonight's marathon. After being fitted for a waterproof red suit at the North Pole tailor's office Claus took the sleigh out for a test run and stopped off for some quick water skiing. When asked what he was doing so far away from the workshop on Christmas eve he responded, "tonight will be very busy I am entitled to some down time."

Meanwhile, the world awaits tomorrow morning.

1 comment:

Thank you for reading LNP. Open and honest discussions of local politics and relevant issues is important to voter understanding. Please listen to the "Ed Springston Show". We broadcast Monday through Thursday evenings at 7 PM on local media outlets. Please check for the links.
Yours truly,
Ed Springston


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